How To Choose A Presidential Candidate
9 Easy Rules To Choose Your Presidential Candidate
First, my disclosures; I’m not a political pundit. As a corporate strategist, I have, in my career, briefly advised a few politicians. So much for the downers in my professional life.
I’m a conservative but decry both major parties in the US as corrupt and in the case of the GOP, inept too. The Libertarian Party is like a beautiful swan with one wing. Gorgeous to look at until it tries to fly.
First Rule – Any candidate who dazzles you should be placed immediately on your political “back burner.” Don’t give them money or put stickers on your car or your cheeks. Wait. Instead throw them a rope and see what they do with it.
Second Rule – Eliminate from consideration, regardless how marvelous these people seem to be as individuals if they are related to former presidents by blood or marriage. They already have access to too much power and must not be trusted. Even though they may have charisma, don’t chance it! It’s in these connections where all those rumors about a secret underground government comes from.
Third Rule – Decide against all first term anythings, especially senators. Most of them couldn’t manage a 7-11 and wouldn’t be hired if they applied. See previous the previous seven years. You’re welcome!
Fourth Rule – Don’t believe anybody’s political commercials, unless they espouse a policy they’ve already consistently taken in some form of action on in business or politics. Okay, don’t believe them either. These are politicians!
Fifth Rule – Don’t believe negative or positive stories about any candidate from our mostly corrupt media. Well, you might ask, what about those stories? Is everyone lying? Yes, they are. At least some of the time. So, how do you know? Listen, read, and Google their backgrounds and records. Always consider the source. Of course, you can always believe me. *I can’t be bought.
Sixth Rule – Be an open-minded skeptic. Consider the possibilities. Make your choice by a process of elimination. Such as with the rules above. Others will adore you for it.
Seventh Rule – Eliminate from your consideration, all crazy people. If this rule insults you, it’s likely that you are currently supporting a crazy candidate, or you are yourself nuts. If you think this is a personal insult, please know that I love you and will buy you ice cream. It most surely is not personal to you. You are obviously brilliant, especially for reading this far.
Eighth Rule – Don’t support condescending people for office.
Ninth Rule – Don’t use that stupid Iowa Caucus as a benchmark for anything. Also, ignore any party who chooses delegates or candidates by flipping coins.
BONUS Rule – Forget about lawyers for president. Even most lawyers don’t trust other lawyers, but most of them won’t publicly admit that.
A Well Thought Out Conclusion
So, as you can see, it’s not about choosing a candidate, it’s about eliminating the field enough to give you a clarity of choice.
So, I think it’s obvious that by using these rules there is only one viable candidate for president; me.
However, by declaring my candidacy, particularly in the current level of America’s condition, I’m clearly unqualified due to insanity. See Rule Seven, above.
I’m signing off now. I’m going to buy myself some ice cream.
And remember to VOTE!
*I am, however, for lease. Please see my website for pricing.
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